Sorry… :/

Hi guys, I just wanted to apologise for my lack of posting. GCSEs are almost over (this Friday) and I’ll have much more time to wrote then! I’ve had a lot going on at the moment so I’ve found it difficult to find time for my blog.

Also if there are any topics you want to know about leave me a comment, find my contact details on the “Contact” page of my blog or send me a message on my social media which I will link down below! I want to inform you about the things you actually need/want to know so any suggestions would be great. Also if you  want to know when I post without me telling you, you can follow my blog by either making an account or entering your email so you get one every time I post. Or you can follow me on twitter as I tweet every time a new post goes up!

Thank you guys for your patience,

Have a great day! Xx

Twitter: letstalkaboutsex.twitter

Google Plus: letstalkaboutsex.googleplus

Contact page: letstalkaboutsex.contact

Put a ring on it!

A form of contraception you may have never heard of is the ring. The ring has a diameter of 54mm and is 4mm thick. It looks like this: Contraceptive ring. The ring bends and is not rigid so it is easy to insert.

How to insert it

When you get the ring you also get a booklet which shows some positions for how to put it in. You should put it as high as possible in your vagina so it is just under your cervix, when inserted you shouldn’t be able to feel it. When having sex, your partner shouldn’t be able to feel the ring, and if he can it shouldn’t feel unpleasant. If however you and your partner really don’t like it then you can take it out during sex then put it back afterwards. To take it out you just put a finger up your vagina and hook it on the ring then pull. Putting in and taking it out should not hurt.

What does it do?

The ring releases two hormones: oestrogen and progesterone, the same as the pill. This prevents you from releasing an egg (ovulating) and makes it tricky for sperm to get to an egg. Also it thins the womb lining, making it less likely that an egg will implant if released.

Things you may want to know

As it is so similar to the combined pill A LOT of the symptoms are the same. (If used correctly) the ring is more than 99% effective, which means that less than one out of a hundred women that use the ring will get pregnant in one year. Like the pill, the ring may help PMS, make your periods lighter and less painful. Some people have temporary side effects like more discharge, tender boobs and headaches. However these shouldn’t last long and if they do you should go back to your GP/clinic. Unlike the pill the ring is still effective after vomiting and diarrhoea. Occasionally the ring may come out on its own, this is fine don’t worry about it just rinse the ring and put it back in.

The ring can cause more serious side effects, these are rare but you should read the booklet and speak to your GP/clinic nurse about these if you have any particular worries.

What to expect when you receive the ring

When you first go to the GP or clinic, they will want to check your blood pressure and possibly your height and weight. Also they may ask you if you smoke and other questions about things like that which could affect your health if you start taking the ring. Then they go to a special fridge to get your rings. In the UK the only brand of ring is the Nuva ring, as far as I am aware anyway. Like the pill you get three rings in a packet to start with and then after three months you go back to talk to the doctor/nurse about your experience and see if you want to carry on.

Like the pill you keep the ring in for 21 days, then take it out for a seven week break. If you want to know how all the hormones work you can look at my post about the combined pill as it is the same (I’ll link at the bottom). Also you can run rings together like you can with the pill.

Why choose the ring?

Well, the reason many people choose to use the ring over other methods is because it is something you don’t need to think about very often but it isn’t permanent like the IUD, IUS or implant.

If you are on the pill but you struggle to take it everyday then the ring is something you could consider.

Have a great day! Xx

Combined Pill post: The combined Pill

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeast infections

What is a yeast infection?

A yeast infection is a very common infection caused by a type of fungus called “candida albicans”. Everyone has candida in their bodies, but usually it is kept in balance, a yeast infection is when the balance is upset by something and too much grows. Yeast infections are commonly found in moist, warm places like the vagina or mouth. This post will focus on the Vagina.

How to spot a yeast infection!

As with any illness or infection you’ll have symptoms. Typical symptoms include itchiness, and soreness on your vulva or around the entrance to the vagina. Your discharge may change, it is usually odourless and can be thin and watery or thick and white. Some people say it may remind you of cottage cheese. Pain during sex or a stinging sensation when peeing are signs of a yeast infection.

How to treat a yeast infection!

If left a yeast infection should go away, but there are some things you can do to help treat it. You can buy pills or pessaries (little things you put up your vagina) to help treat it, and internal and external creams for relieving itchiness and soreness.

Prevention

• Apple cider vinegar. Home remedies websites recommend having a bath with some apple cider vinegar (about 2 cups)  can help cure and prevent a yeast infection. If you are treating an infection you can have two of these baths a day, but if you are just doing it for prevention then you can have these baths twice a week.
• BV gel can help restore the pH of your vagina, I’ll link it at the bottom. You buy it in little, one use, tubes that you squirt up your vagina once every three days (for prevention). Or once a day for a week (for treatment).

If you are prone to yeast infections, you should steer clear of a few things.

1. Putting things in the bath. Don’t wash your hair in the bath, or use bath bombs/creams/gels. Just have a bath with normal water in it (unless you are using apple cider vinegar). The other things you put in there can trigger an imbalance and cause an infection.
2. Wash your vagina with water. Do not use any soap (even feminine washes can upset the balance).
3. Wash yourself after sex. After you have sex have a shower or just use a handheld shower head thingy (if you get what I mean) to wash your vagina. This is especially important after oral sex as spit can trigger an infection. If you cannot access a shower, carry some feminine wipes with you.
4. Eat good food. Food like fruit, live yoghurt, nuts and seeds can help prevent infections. Whereas sugary food and food high in caffeine can give you infections. Things life coffee, sugary drinks and snacks.
5. Use lube during sex. Lube is important during sex and can make a difference to if you get an infection or not, (I will link my post about lube below).  Vaginal dryness can cause infections so using lube will help you.

Those were just some tips and helpful ideas on how to avoid yeast infections. They can be very painful and uncomfortable at times, and if you have a reoccurring infection go and see a GP or doctor. I hope this helped and you got some new things to try if you are prone to infection like me.

Have a great day! Xx

Link to blog post about lube: SMOOTH OPERATOR 

Buy:

•  apple cider vinegar
•  BV gel

 

 

 

Smooth operator

Hi guys, firstly I’m really sorry for not posting in a little while. I’ve been SUPER busy with GCSEs and prom dresses and all that, so I had to prioritise biology unit 3. ANYWAY This post is going to be short and sweet, and about lube.

Soooooo what do you need to know? Well, of course we need to discuss safety (the most important part of sex).  You can get three different types of lube, water-based, oil-based, and silicone based. The ONLY type safe for condom use is water-based. The other types will wear away the condoms and risk breaking them.

Using other, household things as lube is not necessarily safe. Oil-based products such as moisturiser, lotion and Vaseline will make latex or polyisoprene condoms less effective too.  But they are safe to use with condoms made from polyurethane.

Now onto flavoured lube. Lube comes in many different flavours for oral sex. The only thing I have to say about this is, be careful where you put it. Firstly most flavoured lube is coloured, and even if it says it doesn’t stain, it can be hard to get out of sheets. Also I would refrain from using flavoured lube for penetrative sex, as it can cause bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections.

That’s all for this post, but I will write another one for tomorrow to make it up to you guys!

Have a great day! Xx

Post about condoms: NO BALLOON, NO PARTY!

No balloon, no party!

Condoms. Condoms are vital for any sexual encounter with someone and they look like this:

 These magical things will protect you both from pregnancy and STDs. There are two types of condoms, male and female, this post will focus on male condoms.

Usually condoms are made of latex but you can get latex free ones for people with sensitive skin, or latex allergies. These are made from polyisoprene. Condoms should be used for oral, anal and vaginal sex. You can buy flavoured condoms for oral sex, but I won’t really go into that now as I have a whole post about it that I’ll link at the bottom.

You should put a condom on before you start having sex, not halfway through. This is for the same reason the pull-out method has major flaws, and almost half the time leads to pregnancy. Pre-cum. Pre-cum is a fluid that appears on the tip of the penis when a man has a boner. This can sometimes contain semen, which can get you pregnant. So putting on a condom halfway through defeats the point of using one at all.

Don’t double dip. If you are having anal and vaginal sex, use a NEW CONDOM for each kind. If you have anal sex then have vaginal sex you are transferring all the bacteria from your bum to your vagina. This will lead to infections and won’t be fun for you.

Using condoms effectively

Condoms are great, when used correctly they can be 98% effective, however people either don’t put them on correctly or don’t use them correctly. As discussed above, putting one on before you have sex is the way to go. But how do you put one on? While it may seem self explanatory people a LOT of people don’t know how. Ladies, please don’t think this is unimportant for you to know, surely you would rather put it on the guy so you KNOW you’ve done it right.

Firstly, check the expiry date on the back of the condom wrapper. If it is in date then you’re good to go. If not, tell him/her to wait a minute and go and buy some more. You can buy condoms at corner shops, supermarkets, even from machines in bathrooms.  Next take it out the wrapper. Now this is important. Make sure it is the right way round! If you try to roll it down the penis and it wont go it is probably inside out. So turn it around. However you need to get another one out because you’ve got pre-cum on the side of the condom that is going inside the lady involved so it is no longer safe

Once you have it the right way round, pinch the tip. it is there for the purpose of collecting the man’s semen. If you don’t pinch it you will get air trapped in there and it could split. After you’ve pinched the tip and placed it on the penis you should use your other hand to roll it down.

Now you put the penis in a mouth, vagina or anus and congratulations, you’re having sex.

You’re welcome.

Condom safety

Before you do anything else, check the condoms for the CE mark and the BSI kite mark.

CE: CE Mark

BSI: BSI kitemark

Only buy and use condom that have these marks on the packet. But what do they mean? Basically it means that they’ve been tested to high safety standards. Condoms that don’t have the BSI kitemark and CE mark won’t met these standards.

It is often seen in films, that the guy keeps a condom in his wallet. Terrible idea. The constant friction, bending and credit card edges poking it result in a pretty useless condom. They should be stored in places that aren’t too hot or cold, and away from sharp or rough surfaces that could tear them or wear them away.

One of the most obvious things, is that a condom must not be used more than once. Use a new one each time you have sex.

How do condoms work?

Condoms are a barrier method, they stop the man’s semen coming into contact with his sexual partner #semen

Side effects

Like all forms of contraception there are side effects. However condoms probably have the fewest of them all.

1. If you are allergic to latex and don’t know it, using latex condoms can cause problems like irritation and infection. The easy solution if you’re having any problems is to switch to latex free condoms.
2. Whilst condoms prevent against all internal STDs, things like herpes can be spread through skin contact, so you won’t be protected against those.

 

Excuses

Many men think condoms make it feel worse, so they try and deter you from using them. The most common excuses is “I’m too big”. Ahahahahaha, no. As many of you will have seen the condom challenge on the internet recently or this picture I’m showing you now,

NO ONE is too big for condoms. And if he is really that worried about his monster penis, I’ll link to some XL ones at the end of this post.

Alternate protection

Unfortunately, accidents happen. Condoms can slip off or break. Just in case this happens, it is important to be on another form of contraception. The most common is the combined contraceptive pill (link to my post at the bottom) but there are all sorts of things you can use instead. I’ll continue writing posts on contraception and add all the links to those posts at the bottom as they appear.

So, use condoms. They’re just the best thing. It is SO important to keep yourself safe from STDs (I’ll link that post too). There are no excuses not to use condoms and if you knowingly out yourself at risk you are quite simply, an idiot. There are some STDs you will never get rid of at you shouldn’t put yourself in that position. You need to respect your body and put yourself first.

Have a great day! Xx

Safe oral sex post:  MOUTH HERPES AND OTHER THINGS YOU DON’T WANT…

Combined Pill Post: THE COMBINED CONTRACEPTIVE PILL

Safe sex post: PROTECT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF!

Extra large condoms: Durex extra large condoms

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Porn

We live in a world where around  30% of the internet is made up of explicit videos, images and literature. Otherwise known as porn. Generally the idea is you watch/read about people having sex, and that’s fine but there are a lot of issues caused by porn that affect our everyday lives.

Being exposed to porn

Porn was created for adults, and it should just be them who are viewing it. However 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to porn before they are 18 and one third of 14-16 year olds had first seen sexual images online when they were 10 or younger. The average age a boy first sees porn in this day and age is 11, that’s year 6 in the UK schools system, and 1/3 of boys age 13 admit to viewing porn regularly.  Porn is easy for children to find as 81% of those polled in an online survey viewed porn online at home, and 63% could access it easily on their phones.

The reason it is so dangerous to expose children to online pornography is that it is VERY graphic and displays things that aren’t normal sexual acts. This will influence their minds and it’s dangerous to bring them up like that. Here are some pretty grim statistics for you:

1. 39% of boys and 23% of girls have viewed porn involving bondage
2. 32% of boys and 18% of girls have viewed porn involving bestiality
3. 13% of boys and 10% of girls have viewed porn that involved rape
4. 15% of boys and 9% of girls have viewed child pornography

These are the things we’re exposing them too. Children will grow up in a world where they think bestiality is normal. Everyone is into different things, but the statistics that bother me the most are rape and child pornography. I’ll talk about child pornography later as part of the “abuse and exploitation” section of this post. But rape, rape is a serious issue that affects peoples lives in horrible ways. In England and Wales 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped each year! That’s roughly 11 rapes (of adults only) an hour. These figures disgust me. What I find interesting about this is that approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence. I’m not saying this is always the case, and I really do not want to offend ANYBODY, but I think we could relate this to the figures about children that viewed porn involving rape. All I’m saying is, it is possible that children grow up with rape porn and see that as normal, not a criminal offence. So later in life they wouldn’t feel as much disgust and shame about sexually abusing or raping someone. That may not be the case at all, but it is interesting to think about.

Another thing that I find interesting to think about is that less women rape people, than men. One in five women between the ages of 16-59 have experienced some kind of sexual violence since the age of 16. Bearing that in mind and the fact men watch more porn than women, it may suggest that porn influences them and that it may be the reason why. Again please note that I am just giving you things to think about and none of these ideas are factual just my own mind at work.

Abuse and exploitation in the porn industry

A lot goes on behind the scenes of porn. Let’s go back to the issue of child porn from earlier. Child pornography is disgusting. When searching “child exploitation in pornography” so I could get more information for you, all that came up were porn sites with videos listed under this title. Whilst I am aware that not all porn videos labelled “teen”, actually have children in, a fair few do. So my one bit of advice for that is simply avoid anything with the word “teen” in the title. Because essentially if you watch a porn video with a child in it, you are paying someone to exploit a CHILD. Women (and children) are exploited everyday for the porn/sex industry. Whether it be they are forced into situations they are not comfortable with or happy to be in, like the WORLD FAMOUS Linda Lovelace, or pushing women to their emotional and physical limits.

Porn has changed since it first came about. It is no longer people having fun, real sex. It has dramatically changed to show, what the industry believe are men’s fantasies, and what are slowly becoming them.

The affects of porn

A highly regarded academic, Gail Dines shared her thoughts on pornography. She has written many books to educate people about porn and what is is really like.  “We are now bringing up a generation of boys on cruel, violent porn,” she says, “and given what we know about how images affect people, this is going to have a profound influence on their sexuality, behaviour and attitudes towards women.”

So what affects does this have on you? Dines talks about her opinion of how men change, “I have found that the earlier men use porn,” says Dines, “the more likely they are to have trouble developing close, intimate relationships with real women. Some of these men prefer porn to sex with an actual human being. They are bewildered, even angry, when real women don’t want or enjoy porn sex.”

For women, it affects their body image and also reduces them to sexual objects, here to please men.

Porn is not reality

What most children or teenagers fail to realise is that porn isn’t real. Porn does not show how real people have sex, not many girls enjoy gagging on your penis, or having cum on their face. Before anyone watches porn, it is vital they realise that porn stars are just actors, like Chris Hemsworth  isn’t actually Thor.  If you can wrap your head around this there isn’t really much of a problem with you watching normal non-abusive porn.

Body Image

Porn affects the body image of both men and women. For men, it shows that if you don’t have an 8 inch penis you’re too small, and you need a six-pack and muscular arms for a girl to like you. Furthermore porn shows men unrealistic images of women possibly every day. This means they may have unrealistic expectations of women in their relationships. Women in porn are more often than not, enhanced in some way. Like Photoshop or cosmetic surgery.

For women, it is them trying to live up to these standards. Eating disorders are so, SO common. Things like anorexia nervosa, and bulimia. These are TERRIBLE things! Also girls are constantly depressed and put down because they don’t have big, perky, round boobs. And you know what? Most porn stars do not have them either, they’re fake! Also the amount of girls that get consultations for labiaplastys is shocking. A labiaplasty is a cosmetic surgery operation that alters the appearance of your labia (lips of your vagina) to look more perfect. Women in porn mostly have a perfect looking vagina. But vaginas are likes snowflakes, no two are the same. Everyone looks different and they shouldn’t be insecure about that.

Porn addiction

Like most things in life, you can get addicted to porn. To maintain a healthy relationship with porn, just think about how often you are viewing it and introduce self-control if you think you are going overboard. Do not let porn disrupt your life and you should be fine, but as soon as you stop doing things you normally do because of porn, like stopping seeing your friends or doing school work, you need to get help.

All in all, porn is not necessarily a bad thing when used correctly by adults. But you have to be wary of what you are looking at and supporting. Stay away from anything marked “teen” or “child”. If you are a parent, please install safe browsing on all devices accessible by your children! It is so easy to stumble across something by accident online or they may even be looking for it. But you can probably decide when your child is mature enough to view porn. I hope this post was informative and people are more aware of the effects of porn.

Have a great day! Xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mouth herpes and other things you don’t want…

Herpes, genital warts, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV and gonorrhoea, these are just some on the long list of things you do not want in your mouth. Unfortunately most people in my generation seem to forget, or more likely weren’t taught in the first place that STDs can be passed through oral sex. Or they know and don’t respect themselves enough to use protection.

When having oral sex with a penis (not with an actual penis with a person connected to one) you have two basic options:

1. Use condoms. You can buy flavoured condoms and or normal ones and use flavoured lube which will improve the taste of penis for you, and make sure you don’t get mouth herpes or any other STD in your mouth. It’s a win win situation.
2. You and your partner agree to an exclusive relationship and both go and get checked at a sexual health clinic to make sure your both clean. Whilst this sounds very official, it’s often the easiest option especially if you only have one partner at a time.

A lot of people say condoms ruin the moment or it doesn’t feel as good. I can assure you it really makes very little difference to feeling. And in terms of ruining the moment, it takes about 5 seconds to put on and you can do it while your kissing your partner.

When having oral sex with someone connected to a vagina you again, have two basic options:

1. Dental dams. You can use these things called dental dams, basically they look like a bit of cling film you put over a vagina or anus (if that’s what your into)  and you it acts like a barrier so you don’t catch any STDs. It is actually a square of latex (the same thing most condoms are made of). Unfortunately lots of people don’t know about dental dams or just don’t use them. This leads to a spread of STDs.
2. Or as I said before, be in an exclusive relationship and go and get checked at a clinic.

 

That’s pretty much it for safe oral sex, if you have any other questions about this or anything else, feel free to go to the “Contact” page and message me. Please be safe about oral, it’s just so easy to not get STDs. Think through what you’re about to do , and respect your body.

Have a great day! Xx

Link to my oral sex post: LICK IT!

Link to my safe sex post: PROTECT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF!

 

 

 

Lez have sex!

Lesbian sex is a very mysterious thing to straight people.  Firstly to understand this concept you have to know that sex doesn’t mean putting a penis in a vagina. In the eyes of the law – sex is oral, vaginal, and anal sex. And in the eyes of many people, sex can be anything sexy! Like doing things with your hands, mouth or genitals, some people even consider getting off with someone sex.

Sex Toys

Knowing all of this we can talk about what actually happens. The first question people ask is “Who’s the man?”, the answer to this is NO ONE! No one is the man because it is a girl on girl relationship. Also a lot of people assume many lesbians use sex toys or strap-ons to have sex. Whilst this is sometimes true it is not always the case.  Just because some lesbians enjoy doing this doesn’t mean they aren’t lesbian. A man is more than just a penis and if a lady wants to put something a little bit penis shaped up there it’s probably because it feels nice, not because she has some suppressed sexual feelings for men.

Fingering

So let’s talk about using your hands. Like straight people, sometimes lesbians use their hands to pleasure each other. If you don’t know what that means, my brief explanation is using your fingers to stimulate her clitoris and vagina. This is often what lesbians are talking about when they refer to sex. It can feel a lot better than penis vagina sex too, since your fingers can do more intricate things.

Oral

Again this works the same as oral sex on a girl in a straight relationship. Again I’ll give a brief overview of this, but if you want to know more I’ll link to my post about oral at the end of this. So oral sex is when you use your tongue to pleasure someone. For a girl, you can lick everything but your main focus should be the clitoris, and you can just have fun with that.

So there you go, a brief overview of lesbian sex. As you can see there is no man in the relationship and it all counts as sex. Although you may not feel some of those things are sex, unless you’re having sex with them it isn’t about you and you should respect other peoples views. If there is anything else you want to know on the topic of lesbian sex or any other questions you may have, you can find my contact information on the “Contact” page.

Have a great day! Xx

Oral sex blog post: LICK IT!

“Damn girl”

“Nice ass”, “Wow you’re looking good”, “Come back to mine?”, “Sorry, I have to say it, you have an amazing body”, “Damn girl”.

Since the summer I turned fourteen every time I’m out by myself I get at least one person catcalling me.  In my opinion there are different types of catcalls and although they are all utterly disgusting, some are worse than others.

So the main types of catcalling: on the street, from a car, in your face. When you are catcalled by a man on the street, he is usually in a group as the sole purpose of  catcalling in front of your friends is to impress them. Yes, them. Ultimately when a man catcalls you when he’s with his friends it isn’t because he’s interested in you or trying to impress you.  He thinks that by objectifying you and making disgusting comments, his friends will think he is cool or something like that. To be honest who knows what’s going through their heads.

When someone is in a car they roll down the window and shout something demeaning at you. When this occurs the man is usually on his own, I know what you’re thinking. “If a man has no one to impress why would he catcall someone?” Well, catcalling someone and putting them down, makes the man feel powerful. And they have the defence of sitting in a car so you can’t get to them. This means they can be intimidating and you can’t do anything about it.

THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST! When a man or a group of men get up in your face and shout something at you. For example I was walking down the street once on the way back from the gym, and I have to say I wasn’t looking my best. A little red and sweaty. But luckily for me a young man decided to boost my confidence by coming right up to me, so he was closer than you’re allowed to be in netball, and said the most flattering thing I’ve ever heard. “I’d fuck you!”. Well, if you can’t detect the sarcasm in that little extract from my life then you have some serious problems as the only thing that made me feel, was disgusting.

Is it me? Is it what I’m wearing? Whenever I used to go out anywhere I would think, “Is this top too low? Is this skirt too short? Am I asking for it?” Why should we have to think about these things so we don’t get sexually abused in the street. But after a while I realised it doesn’t matter what I wear. I’ve been catcalled whilst wearing a loose fitted coat that was buttoned up from head to toe. It makes no difference.

Do men (not all men, just the disgusting ones that harass women on the street) have no shame? There have been multiple incidents when I’ve been out WITH MY PARENTS and people have catcalled me. Once I was out with my dad just walking along and someone was mouthing things at me that were less than pleasant and making inappropriate gestures at me, IN FRONT OF MY FATHER! Luckily he didn’t really see as I’m sure he would have severely injured him. Another time, I was out with my mum and a group of 19 year olds (just a wild guess at there age, I didn’t ask them) came up to me then started a conversation with each other about how they would “have a go on that”. How lovely!

If you genuinely like a woman, then there is a difference between shouting something demeaning at at woman or approaching her in a non-forceful way and giving her a compliment. Another little extract from my life: about a year ago I was on the train and I kept making eye contact with this guy, we happened to get off at the same stop. He came up to me and said something along the lines of “Hi, I thought you were really beautiful and I wanted to know your name” or something like that, I don’t know, that made it sound creepier than it was. But the point is that is non-intimidating or forceful, just flattering. It turned out he was eight years older than me, so nothing happened but it still made my day brighter.

Ultimately not all men are disgusting pigs that sexually harass women. But some of them are, and it is not okay. A women has the right to go out without fearing that something will happen to her. It is everyone’s job to make the world a safer place and make everyone comfortable to go out and about.

Have a great day! Xx

 

 

 

 

Lick it!

I want to start this post by saying it contains explicit content, as I give you a step by step through oral sex. So if you are young and don’t want to know about oral sex please don’t read any further!

Sex education at the moment rarely talks about pleasure, only safety. So in this post I’m going to tell you about oral sex for both men and women.

Oral Sex – sexual activity in which the genitals of one partner are stimulated by the mouth of the other; fellatio or cunnilingus.

Now I’m not going to use the technical terms “fellatio” or “cunnilingus” because I don’t like them and they sound too sciencey. But for the sake of this post I will refer to oral sex on both men and women as a blowjob or oral.

Firstly oral sex should be reciprocal, that means you should give it as much as you get it. I don’t mean you should do anything you aren’t comfortable with, but if oral is a regular part of your relationship you should be reciprocal.  I can’t help but feel that oral sex for men is expected but for women, it’s a treat for them. As much as someone may say they enjoying giving oral sex I can whole heartedly assure you they enjoy receiving it too.

Oral for guys

The whole point of oral is using your tongue and mouth to pleasure someone. So to start with just start licking his penis, the most sensitive bits are the head and the balls. So have fun with that. You can do it for as long or as short time as you like and you feel comfortable with, but build up and teasing is always a good thing. Then the basic idea is that you move your mouth up and down the shaft of his penis. While you do that you can just use your mouth, use a hand along with it, or play with his balls. Avoid using your teeth as a penis is very sensitive and not something you want to eat. Variation is always a good thing when giving oral sex, this way if your partner really likes something, or really doesn’t, it can be easier to tell. Whilst giving oral sex it is important to focus on your partners responses to what you are doing, like breathing and noises.

Now with guys, obviously there is the inevitable ending of a blowjob. In porn you see women swallowing cum, letting men cum on their faces and in their mouths. All of this is up to you, do not feel pressured to do any of the above. If you don’t want him to cum in your mouth then he doesn’t have too. Equally if you don’t want to swallow you don’t have too. And the same for having him cum on your face. You can just tell him to let you know when he’s close then switch to a hand job instead. If you talk this through with your partner before sex then you should have no problems. However if you talk it through and he still does something you’ve already said you weren’t comfortable with and he does it anyway. That is a blatant sign of disrespect and you should think through your relationship choices.

For girls

Oral sex for girls is a lot more complicated as many men don’t know their way round a vulva. Generally girls have more of a psychological side of getting turned on than just “Penis! Let’s have sex!”. So by teasing a girl the more you build her up the better it will be. You could start by kissing her then slowly moving down to the vulva. You could kiss her thighs and all the areas around her vulva. Again teasing her will help. Then lick all of it! Everything is sensitive so it’s all good. Now move on to the clitoris, this is the most sensitive part of a lady. If you are unsure where it is, Google a vulva diagram and have a look as a LOT of men have no clue what they’re doing. Also it can be good to use fingers at the same time. If she says “keep going” or “don’t stop” then listen to her. And as I said before communicate and focus on her breathing and noises to see what she likes.

This was just the pleasure side of things, but safety is still extremely important when it comes to oral sex. I will be writing a blog post about it soon and I will link it here.

Have a great day! Xx